


Falling Away

by Naniiamo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Character Study, Falling In Love, M/M, self sabotage, the year between Hinata's 3rd year and leaving for brazil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27931162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naniiamo/pseuds/Naniiamo
Summary: Hinata’s chatter bubbled over the table, over the coffee he put to his lips, over the knowledge that in too few months he would be as far away from Issei as humanly possible.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52





	Falling Away

“You! You’re the guy with the scary block!” 

The words rang clear through the crowded campus, and a feeling in Issei’s stomach said they were meant for him. He turned, and was met with a finger and a face that looked vaguely, just slightly, familiar.

The orange-haired boy stared up at him with frustration and shock mixing on his face, and only after a moment had passed, the rest of campus fading away as he hunted through his memory, did recognition finally click.

“Oh, Karasuno’s number ten.” It felt foreign for the words to fall from his mouth, not uttered in years, and with the aftertaste of the malice it once held on the tongues of his team.

“You remember me!” Hinata’s cheer caught Issei off guard. It felt, for a moment, far more bizarre that Hinata was shocked that he remembered him than the fact that he actually did.

“How could I possibly forget you?” Issei grinned with memories of matches long since locked away, of victory, of loss. And Hinata grinned back at him, the same look in his eyes.

\---

Issei suggested coffee, to Hinata’s eager approval, and they settled into the campus cafe.

Hinata seemed to be making up for lost time with the questions he asked rapid fire across the table, barely leaving Issei enough time in between to answer. Squeezing in words of his major, the dismal state of his sleep schedule, a misadventure or two that drew a laugh from Hinata, leaving Issei with the passive desire to hear it again. 

“What about you?” Issei finally asked, once Hinata had exhausted his prodding. Hinata quieted, and for a moment Issei was concerned, but only for a moment. When Hinata’s eyes met his again, a hard look of determination was painted over his face.

“I’m training to play beach volleyball in Brazil.” Issei had to fight back a laugh, a reaction mostly of shock that settled into guilt when he realized Hinata wasn’t joking, wasn’t exaggerating in any way. 

“Isn’t that a little crazy? To travel all that way for volleyball?” Issei winced at himself, the words came out harsher than he intended, but Hinata didn’t seem affected.

“Maybe, but I’ll never get better if I don’t take that risk.” Issei thought for a moment that it was excessive, far too much risk for a reward that may never manifest. But guilt panged in his chest once again. 

The distant eyes of someone only ever looking forward were familiar, and he realized that this wasn’t the first time someone he knew had made this decision.

Issei decided then that monsters were real. Monsters without fear or hesitation, wearing the skin of young boys with far too much ambition. 

\---

Somehow, on that day in the coffee shop, Hinata had managed to convince Issei to go on a run with him the next morning. His route took him through the campus, he would just pick Issei up there, it wouldn't be out of his way at all. Despite not exercising seriously since graduation, a mysterious something didn’t let Issei refuse.

And that’s how Issei found himself 3 hours early to his first lecture of the day, wearing old, musty gym clothes that he hadn’t worn since high school, idly warming up for the first run he’d gone on in years.

Any reservations he may have felt melted away from he caught the first glimpse of Hinata, running to the tree Issei had chosen to warm up under. It was captivating, the perfect form of Hinata’s jog, the morning light dancing off his hair and skin, Issei couldn’t keep his eyes off him as he approached and finally stopped in front of him. 

“You ready?” Hinata asked, breath a little heavy, the smile eager on his face.

“Whenever you are,” Issei shot a thumbs up, making Hinata chuckle. 

“Then let’s go,” And they were off.

Issei had been right to be concerned about being out of shape, he quickly realized there was no way he would be able to keep pace with Hinata, not with the way the other couldn’t help but jog ahead. Muscle memory overriding the fact that he was running with someone else half the time, before he remembered and slowed down, only to speed ahead again shortly after.

But Issei couldn’t find it in himself to complain, not when he got the opportunity to watch Hinata like this. The way his feet pounded against the pavement, the way his small ponytail swung with every step, the way the muscles of his back strained and shifted with every stride.

No, he didn’t mind this view at all. 

They looped around the campus, once, twice, Hinata ready for a third but Issei had to insist on stopping. He fell onto his back, grass poking uncomfortably into his skin as he did his best to catch his breath. He’d impressed himself, he genuinely hadn’t expected to last as long as he did, maybe the little ray of sunshine joining him in the grass had something to do with it.

“That was fun, I forgot how nice it was to run with people.” Hinata mused, resting his hands behind his head. His eyebrow furrowed, Issei noticed, and he raised an eyebrow in return. “Would you… Like to do it again sometime?” 

Issei didn’t hesitate to respond.

“Of course.”

\---

Their time together only increased after that first run, with Hinata hounding Issei more and more about taking care of himself once he saw how the poor boy was living.

Hinata started bringing breakfast for them, always homemade, always nutritious. He started bringing him books about health and lifestyle, acknowledging that college was gruelling, but that was no excuse to let everything else fall to the wayside. 

_ Relax. _ Hinata laughed out the first time he brought Issei to his yoga class, gifting Issei with a front row seat to flexibility and strength and a body toned with time.

_ Relax. _ Hinata commanded, as his nimble fingers undid the knots that turned Issei’s shoulders and back to stone, the relaxation unfamiliar, leaving him floating above himself.

_ Relax. _ Issei whispered as he took Hinata apart, piece by piece for the very first time.

\---

In the afterglow, Hinata succumbed to sleep before long, leaving Issei wide awake with a view somehow more intimate than the one that came before.

Hinata’s face softened with sleep, almost an uncomfortable sight to see the boy not bouncing off the walls. A stray hair fell out onto his face, making his nose scrunch up even in sleep, compelling Issei to reach over, to tuck it behind his ear, to return Hinata to that peaceful state once more. 

The calm was nearly overwhelming. Hinata had entered his life, and suddenly it felt like a cloud had been lifted. Issei looked forward to waking up, to the morning runs they went on consistently now, to spending any spare time they had in each other's company. It was like the soft light of morning was dawning over his life, the source being the small boy that slept beside him, chest rising and falling; a soft snore escaping his lips.

If the thought of the 6 months remaining before Hinata set off crossed his mind, it was shoved to the back, to be thought of another day.

\---

They visited their coffee shop the next morning, ordering their usuals, sitting at their usual table.

Hinata’s chatter bubbled over the table, over the coffee he put to his lips, over the knowledge that in too few months he would be on a flight across the world, as far away from Issei as humanly possible. 

Issei’s stomach clenched at the thought of airports, of airplanes, of goodbyes and promises to call. The dread of the inevitable was eating away at him, slowly, when he wasn’t able to distract himself. The weeks falling away from the calendar haunting him worse than a ghost ever could, the sun setting each day a reminder that there was nothing he could do to stop time. To stay in this moment forever. 

\---

They fell into Issei’s bedroom once again. All heavy breath and desperate touches, Issei hungry for every inch of Hinata the universe allowed him to have.

_ Issei, _ Hinata whimpered, making Issei’s heart hammer against his ribs.

_ Mine,  _ the word slipped from his lips, but it felt wrong.

How could one look at the sun, the moon, the stars, and claim to own any part of them? 

Humanities time with them was fleeting, removed, distant. There was no way to tie them down, they moved of their own accord with no regards for the fumblings of mortals.

So if this was it, if this year and these moments were the only thing the universe would allow, he would cherish every caress and do his best to imprint them on his memory. He never again wanted to forget Hinata Shouyou. 

\---

The weeks passed faster than Issei would have liked. Hinata’s schedule was jam packed in preparation as his departure drew closer, it would have excused him not texting, but that wasn’t the case. Instead the messages rolled in like usual, and at first Issei responded as he normally would. But each time Hinata brought up anything related to leaving, Issei found himself withdrawing further and further.

The texts still came in, for a while, even with Issei’s lack of response. Each buzz of his phone drove a knife further into his heart until he couldn’t bear it any longer, turning off all notifications for Hinata Shouyou. 

\---

There weren’t that many days left.

The big red circle around the date of Hinata’s departure screamed at him whenever he walked into his kitchen, reminding him of the way he had ghosted Hinata, how he wasted the last bit of time they had together. Issei was being haunted by a red pen and a boy that reminded him of the sun and it was killing him inside.

He slammed the door to the refrigerator shut, magnets clattering to the ground and papers flying every which way. He looked down at the mess and scowled, weren’t they stronger than that?

A picture settled by his foot, and with his toe he flipped it over, stomach dropping when he realized which one it was.

Hinata and Issei, smiling after Issei had managed to do 5 full laps of the campus without needing any breaks. Hinata had been so proud and encouraging, Issei trying to brush it off but still the feeling of pride had bubbled up in his chest. 

His eyes began to burn, and as he reached up to itch away whatever was bothering him, shocked to find his hand returning to him wet. Issei didn’t cry. So why now? Why over him?

Leaving the photo on the floor, his legs moved on their own accord, his arms grabbing his coat and locking his door without his permission. He knew what he had to do, where he needed to go, as much as the thought made him want to throw up.

\---

The walk to where Hinata was staying was entirely too short, Issei’s heart pounding as he stood in front of Hinata’s door, not fully knowing what it was he wanted to say.

Still, his hand knocked softly on the door, a passing hope that Hinata wasn’t home, and he could run and keep the happy memories untainted. 

A moment passed. And then another. And then Issei heard the click of a lock over the blood pounding in his ears. 

The door opened just a crack, and Issei caught the first glimpse of orange that he’d seen in weeks. His heart fluttered with familiarity and happiness before it crashed to the soles of his shoes. 

“Matsukawa? What are you doing here?” Hinata’s voice was thick, and the sound of it made Issei want to rip his heart out of his chest and stomp on it, just for Hinata, just for the chance of forgiveness.

“I-” Issei stuttered, his throat tight, words not coming when he needed them most. “I came to-”

Hinata swung the door open, and cut Issei off. “Why did you stop responding to me?” Hinata demanded, a sadness tainted his face that looked entirely out of place. Guilt wracked his body, and it took all his energy to stop himself from shaking.

“I don’t know… I think... I was scared.” Issei’s voice wobbled embarrassingly, uncomfortable with the vulnerability. “Of you leaving.”

“So your answer to that, was to ignore me?” Hinata questioned, venom Issei hadn’t known the boy was capable of producing lacing his words. “To make me feel like I meant nothing?”

“Hinata I’m sorry-” 

“Was this just something fun for you?” Hinata’s voice gave way to silence, the hurt left to sit heavy in the air. 

Issei’s palms grew sweaty, his heart pounding, and he wished he would wake up from this nightmare. Attempting -and failing- to pretend that he hadn’t caused this himself. 

“I- No- I don’t know…” Issei stumbled, only serving to turn Hinata’s expression even colder. “I never considered that this would be serious, that I’d care about you this much, that there was even a chance you felt the same way.” 

Hinata went quiet, and Issei was as unsettled as that first day they met, but this time there was no relief when Hinata’s eyes met his own.

“You never asked. You were always just distant,” Hinata’s voice turned quiet, painfully soft. “I hoped… Did you ever consider that I wanted to try?” 

Issei was silent. There was nothing he could say. He hadn’t. It never crossed his mind once. Hinata shook his head in response.

“I really liked you Issei… But maybe this was for the best.” The affection was missing from his voice, even with Issei’s name on his lips. Whatever had been there, was gone now. “I have things I need to do. Have a good night.” And Hinata closed the door, without Issei uttering another word.

He stood for a moment, shock settling into his body. He forced himself to move when he caught a glimpse of Hinata’s neighbor eyeing him as he stood frozen at Hinata’s door. He stumbled blindly away from the door and as far away from that apartment as he could get. 

With each footfall, the panic set in further, his heart racing until his steps turned into a jog and then turned into a full run. He let his feet guide him as he ran, mind going blank. Running from Hinata, running from himself.

He couldn’t tell how long he had run. When he came to, the sun was setting. A melancholic purple painted the sky, the school buildings, and the tree Hinata met up with him before every run. His legs crumbled underneath him as the images of every time he had seen Hinata’s bright smile jogging up to him flashing through his mind. When that smile was for him. 

Dread was consuming him and the tears he hadn’t realized were falling stained his jacket. He pressed his forehead to the ground, hoping, praying that the cool grass and smell of the earth would ground him.

_ What had he done? _


End file.
